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Pilsner Madness!

March 8, 2013 · Oliver Gray

I am the worst basketball player in the United States of America.

I can’t do a lay-up. I have mastered the air-ball. I am incapable of dribbling with any sort of rhythm.

As a result, I never partake of any March Madness madness. When coworkers ask me to participate in the pool or fantasy league or just fill out a bracket for fun, I stand awkwardly in my cubicle, not entirely sure basketball is a safe thing for me to be around.

I like to stick to what I know: words, games, beer.

If you can’t beat ‘um, join ‘um. Or reinvent the whole thing so that it fits your specific interests and fields of expertise.

Literature and Libation presents an Oliver Gray production of: Pilsner Madness!

Through painstaking field work, sampling, and research, I have located and consumed 16 different Pilsner style lagers and pitted them against each other in a fierce battle for crisp, refreshing supremacy.

I only chose Pilsners because I had recently brewed one. I specifically tried to find beers labeled as “pilsner” or “pils” or “pilsener” and avoided any other pale or golden lager. The name, for anyone interested, comes from city of Pilsen in the Czech Republic where the style was first brewed in 1842.

Finding 16 Pilsners out of season was not an easy task. It took tens of minutes to scour the shelves of local beer stores to find what I needed. That’s commitment.

Without further ado, here are your contenders. They are seeded by the size of the brewery’s distribution (in barrels, converted from hectoliters for international brands):

  1. Sam Adams Noble Pils
  2. EFES
  3. Pilsner Urquell
  4. KonigPilsner
  5. Jever Pilsner
  6. Red Hook Pilsner
  7. Weihenstephaner Pilsner
  8. Brooklyn Pilsner
  9. Laguintas Pils
  10. North Coast Scrimshaw Pilsner
  11. Victory Prima Pils
  12. Gordon Biersch Czech Pilsner
  13. Southern Tier EuroTrash Pilz
  14. Great Divide Nomad Pilsner
  15. Heavy Seas Small Craft Warning Uber Pils
  16. Gunpowder Falls Pilsner

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting dueling reviews of these beers, in a bracketed, single elimination style tournament. I’m using my wildly subjective opinion of each beer to determine the winners, so don’t be offended if your favorite gets knocked out in the early rounds.

16 beers go in, only 1 beer comes out.

16 beers go in, only 1 beer comes out.

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Posted In: Libation
Tagged: basketball, beer, beer battle, bracket, brackets, humor, I dont really feel like tagging every single brewery so I won't, march madness, pilsner, pilsners, single elimination, tournament, tournament bracket, tournament of beer

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  1. Pit
    March 8, 2013 Reply

    Jever is a very nice hoppy one. Would you care to add Warsteiner to your list, too. It might be worth while. As well as Bitburger. I like both, as I do König Pilsener.
    Best regards from southern Texas,
    Pit

    • Oliver Gray
      March 8, 2013 Reply

      Believe it or not, I couldn’t find Bitburger or Warsteiner. But I’ve had them both before and really enjoyed them. I basically just used what I could get my hands on locally, which over the winter in Maryland, wasn’t all that easy.

      Thanks for reading!

      • Pit
        March 9, 2013 Reply

        I’m lucky/happy that I can find both those beers in the supermarkets/stores either in Floresville [25 miles away] or San Antonio [55 miles away].
        Enjoy your weekend and the beer tasting,
        Pit

  2. Ryan M
    March 9, 2013 Reply

    Great idea, I look forward to following along!

    • Oliver Gray
      March 11, 2013 Reply

      Thanks Ryan!

  3. G-LO
    March 11, 2013 Reply

    My money is on Victory Prima Pils. I absolutely adore that beer!

    Brilliant idea by the way. Look forward to following this.

    Cheers!
    G-LO

    • Oliver Gray
      March 11, 2013 Reply

      No spoilers, but Victory Prima Pils is a strong, strong contender. One of my favorites, too.

      • G-LO
        March 11, 2013 Reply

        Prima Pils has it all going on! There were two particular occasions when it was not only incredibly thirst quenching, but also super flavorful and a great pairing with two very different kinds of food. The first time occurred in NYC after 5 hours of walking around and finally ending up at Bleecker Street pizza for a a couple slices of their Nonna Maria (outstanding pizza btw!). The second time was after 5 hours at the Philly Car Show this past February with a friend of mine and our kids (4 kids in total). Had a Prima Pils with some fantastic Vietnamese food. So so good!

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  1. Pilsner Madness Round 1: Sam Adams Noble Pils (1) -VS- EFES (2) « Literature and Libation
  2. Pilsner Madness Round 1: Weihenstephaner Pilsner (7) -VS- Brooklyn Pilsner (8) « Literature and Libation
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