Did you see my “Sign”?

Dear Franklin Romano, Uncle Frankie, “friend”,

I am writing you to make certain you saw my “sign”. I placed the “sign” in a location that I knew most “family members” would see it. As you may know, due to recent “lifestyle changes” I am forced to sell many of my “belongings”, as are two of our other mutual “acquaintances”.

I am planning a “family” “yard sale” this weekend to “clean out my basement”. Make sure that you only bring “family members” to the “yard sale”, as most of the goods for sale have very high “sentimental value”. I would hate for these expensive “heirlooms” to fall into the “wrong hands” because someone had “loose lips” about the “family” “yard sale”.

I’d be pleased if you would “stop by” and check out what we have to “offer”. Don’t call me about the “yard sale” as I think my phone is “broken”. Be sure to park around back as well, as to not draw “unwanted neighbors” to the “sale”.

Hope to do “business” with you soon.

-“Jimmy”

P.S. We’re also offering “carpet cleaning” in case any “family members” suffer any “accidents” during or after the “yard sale”.