A gallon of Oliver’s Spiced Pumpkin Ale died today after a brutal fall at the New Carrollton Metro Station in Landover, Maryland.
He was 96 days old.
His family would like him to be remembered as a innocent pile of ingredients – a pound of Vienna malts, a half an ounce of Mt. Hood hops, a few clunky, innocent cans of light malt extract. He was a great kid, popular and well-liked by his friends, bubbly and vibrant and full of life. He was the proverbial life of the party; bringing others out of their shells, teaching them that insecurities should be embraced and overcome, not hidden and shunned.
Somewhere a star, once burning bright with life-giving intensity, has shed its last light. This young beer was lost well before his time, and our hearts ache with unexpected, pounding loss.
He is survived by his father, Oliver; his brother, another gallon of Spiced Pumpkin Ale; and his sister, five gallons of common pear cider.
He was also a loving kegmate to the late three gallons of Spiced Pumpkin Ale that were tragically ingested by a group of boisterous party guests on October, 27.
Family and friends will honor his life this Saturday, 12/15, by drinking the remaining contents of his brother. Condolences may be left in the comments below. Please omit flowers (unless they’re hops).
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain
Tagged: beer, im so sad about this, obituary, one for the homies, satire, seriously, sleep well sweet prince, so so sad
Literature and Libation 
RIP Spiced Pumpkin Ale, I am so sorry for your loss!
Thank you for your kind words. I’ll pass along your thoughts to the rest of his family.
That really puts things in perspective.
Yea, life (and glass) is super fragile.
My sincere condolences for your sad loss. Cling to your happy memories. I am still mourning a bottle of 12-year-old Jameson’s Irish Whiskey (purchased in the UK in 2006) that my husband “accidentally” consumed entirely after I opened it for a special occasion. I will forever remember the one serving that I was lucky enough to enjoy.
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss as well. Hopefully, in time, we can remember them without the pain.
Very nice obituary =) I am heartened by the fact that his untimely demise did not cause extinction amongst his kind.