Reviews of beer contain adjectives. Lots of adjectives. An abundance. An overflow. Supernumerary manifest.
A challenge arose on Twitter. I accepted. I present to you a review of a beer using no adjectives. I will try not to have clauses or phrases with adjectives, either. Articles, fragments, intensifiers, nominatives, prepositions, interjections, summatives, resumptives, appositives, and adverbs remain.
Victory Summer Love Ale
Victory, of Pennsylvania, brews. They mash and whirl and ferment beer, beer destined for mouths of the proud. Of the beers they brew, Summer Love stands a monument. A bottle of freshness, replete with flavor, the summer distilled. When the cap pops, the season starts. Available come Spring, but gone by Fall. You think it a lager, but it esters an ale.
A player swings a bat on the label. The sun rises, rays from a ball, as if sport defines the onset of fun. But not fun, romance. Love. Baseball. Pastels decorate the remainder, outside a block of letters cheering the name. The beer begs a hand, your hand obliges.
The cap contains a rumble of carbons. Cerulean in a circle. The beer slips from the bottle like the Yangtze. Dandelion diffused. Bubbles burp a bouquet; spice in hops – Tettnang, Simcoe, and Citra says Google. In a dune aromas settle. Your tongue pelted by UV-rays. The sun captured and served.
The beer lilts, but the song lacks crescendo. Even with the bright, it lacks layers. Complexity crashes on the backend, leaving tongues wanting. But one can’t detract for aspects out of style; for what it represents, Summer Love taste like drinking gold. IPA-ubiquity shelved to make way for a grandfather of sessions. Five point two percent.
You drink this when the heat reds necks. You slug this to mimic bat meeting ball. You mellow on this as night creeps in on the melody of crickets. Victory hits a homerun.
(Grammarian’s note: this is harder than it might seem at first. You cannot use any intransitive verbs [including any form of “to be”] as the subject complement coming after an intransitive is always an adjective. That leaves you with three types of sentences: 1) S -> V -> DO; 2) S-V; 3) S-V-IO-DO. Without introductory or supporting adjectival phrases, you have heavily rely on prepositional and nominative phrases, or adverbial flair to keep the sentence patterns fresh.)