• Beer Fridge
  • Home
    • December, 1919
  • Me?

Literature and Libation

Menu

  • How To
  • Libation
  • Literature
  • Other
  • Writing
  • Join 14,874 other followers

Browsing Tags xmas

‘Twas the Night before Beermas

December 24, 2014 · by Oliver Gray

‘Twas the night before Beermas, and all through the house
Not a microbe was stirring, not even in kraus;
The bottles were lined in the kitchen with care,
In hopes that St. Augustine would soon be there;
The beards and the babes all snug in their beds;
While visions of hop bombs danced in their heads;
And mamma with her brown, and I with my brett,
Had just settled our brains for a night of regret,
When out of the stainless there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bar stool to see what was the matter.

Away to the brewhouse I made a mad dash,
Turned open the bright tank and inspected the mash;
The moon on the breast of the flocculated yeast,
Gave a yellowish glow to say but the least,
When what to my glazed eyes did appear,
But a miniature keg-sleigh all laden with beer,
With a little old brewer so making a fuss,
I knew in a moment must be Fermentus.
More rapid than taplines his libations they came,
And he sipped, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Doppel! now, Bock! now Porter and Amber!
On, Stout! on, Pale! on, Saison and Pilsner!
To the top of the silo! And try not to fall!
Now drink away! drink away! drink away all!”

As labels that on the wild bottling line fly,
When they meet with their glue must inevitably dry;
So up from the kegs the beers they did glug
With a cask full of dry hops, and too many a mug,
And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a crash
The clanking and clinking of bottles of glass
As I buzzed in my head, and was turning around,
Down the grain shoot came Fermentus with a bound.
He was dressed all in plaid, like a relic of grunge
And plopped on the floor like a carboy-free bunge,
A sixer of beers tucked under his arm,
And he looked like a Hill, fresh from his farm.

His malts—how they roasted! his adjuncts; all cherry!
His hops were like pine cones, all nasal and airy!
His droll little smile meant he knew best,
And the beard on his chin was as unkempt as a nest;
The old hydrometer he held tight in his teeth,
And the steam, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a red face and a sway in his step
Either from the liquid itself or the amount he did schlep
He was clever and diligent, a right jolly sud slinger,
And I laughed when I saw him, that liquid cheer bringer.

A wink of his eye and a twist of a cap
Soon gave me to know I would like this old chap,
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the shakers; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger across ruddy lips,
And giving a nod, took but only a sip;
He sprang to his keg-sleigh, to his team gave a hollar,
And away they all flew like wind behind a dollar.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he swerved out of sight—
“Happy Beermas to all, and to all a good night!”

(My apologies for the subcultural bastardization. The original poem by Clement Clarke Moore can be found here)

017

The Twelve Sips of Beermas

December 25, 2013 · by Oliver Gray

No, this isn’t a post about the 12 beers your should drink over Christmas break, or on Christmas day, or in some post-Christmas but pre-New Year binge.

It is about what you might do after drinking 12 of any one beer, especially in the company of friends, who might also want to join in. It’s about the purest of holiday traditions. Wassailing. Caroling. Drinking heavily in public and singing off key. It’s about mangling a classic song to fit your hobby.

The Twelve Sips of Beermas 

On the first day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
An IPA in a tulip

On the second day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the third day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the fourth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the fifth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the sixth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber Ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the seventh day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the eighth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Eight Marzens mashing
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the ninth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Nine Lagers lilting
Eight Marzens mashing
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the tenth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Ten Lambics lacing
Nine Lagers lilting
Eight Marzens mashing
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the eleventh day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Eleven Pilsners paling
Ten Lambics lacing
Nine Lagers lilting
Eight Marzens mashing
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the twelfth day of Beermas my true love took a sip:
Twelve Dubbels deigning
Eleven Pilsners paling
Ten Lambics lacing
Nine Lagers lilting
Eight Marzens mashing
Seven Stouts a sating
Six Gueuze a blending
FIVE GOLDEN ALES!
Four Barley wines
Three Flemish reds
Two Amber ales
and an IPA in a tulip

On the thirteenth day of Beermas my true love did sleep in.

firestoneIPA

See: an IPA in a tulip

Christmas with Cacti

December 22, 2011 · by Oliver Gray

To me, Christmas is cold. It is evening snowfall and visible breath in frozen air. It is hiding indoors with your family, staying warm by staying merry. To take the cold and snow away is to defy all of my memories of the holiday; a day I have always found a perfect microcosm of everything I know and love about Winter.

But here I am in Arizona, the chance of snow pretty much zero. It’s cold-ish, but hardly the frozen sub-32 that reminds me of the season. I hear the music, I see the lights, I’m with  family, but without the air nipping at my ears, it’s all sort of surreal. It’s hard to think of Christmas when you see sand and cacti all around.

But I look around, and it’s not weird to anyone but me. The local residents celebrate the holiday with the same, if not more, enthusiasm. Some of the Christmas displays I’ve seen are incredible. Perhaps the warmer weather encourages more elaborate light displays, as they aren’t hurrying to finish hanging that last strand so they can escape the freezing weather as quickly as possible.

And as weird as it is to see Santa and Reindeer in the desert, it’s got all the things I love about Christmas. Tiffany’s family is incredibly warm and welcoming, sharing stories of people whose journeys are done, and showing off pictures of those whose journeys are just starting. The food is kingly and excessive; I certainly haven’t gone hungry. The spirit is alive, even if it is in an environment, that was until now, completely alien to me.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found it’s less about the day, and more about the people you spend it with. It’s less about where you are, but who is with you. I’m glad to be in the desert with these great people, snow be damned.

Hell, even the cacti look kind of good with lights on them:

Not too shabby.

So wherever you are – be it desert, tundra, jungle, or savannah – enjoy the time with the people you love. And if you’re not with the ones you love, do your best to get there, wherever “there” may be.

Happy Xmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, or whatever you decide to celebrate this time of year.

See you all in 2012!

  • Blog at WordPress.com.
  • Connect with us:
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Follow Following
    • Literature and Libation
    • Join 14,874 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Literature and Libation
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...